Last year the virtual population of Second Life soared from 100,000 online players to well over 2 million. As a community grows that large it's normal for the original players to become defensive as the newcomers start changing the way things are run, but in an online world where anything is possible (online embassies, terrorism, borderline genocide, and the infamous dildo storms) the worried veterans have resorted to drastic actions that I didn't even know were possible within the game.

Marshal Cahill started playing Second Life before the boom came, and has since witnessed arrogant gamers grow rampant. Players hog real estate, step on each others' free speech, and run online mafias that harass the entire community. So how does he plan to solve this problem? Nukes of course. Even online humans are predictable. But instead of plastering people in main towns he chose to set us up the bombs near in-world corporations that would draw real world attention. The first nuke was detonated outside an American Apparel store, with an encore explosion occurring outside a Reebok store. 2-22-07. Never Forget... To Never Play.

Declaring himself as a political officer for the Second Life Liberation Army, Cahill is fighting in hopes that the game's Linden Lab creators will give his army more influence in the future of the game through voting: "The population of the world should have a say in the running of the world." He goes on to compare himself to John Adams proving he's just as arrogant as his enemies, but this will still gain his army the attention they long for. Fool Linden Labs once, shame on . . . shame on you. Fool Linden Labs . . . you, you can't get fooled again. That's their stance and they're sticking to it.

If they actually allowed an entire Second Life World War to break out, I'd join immediately. It would be recorded as one of the lamest online battles of all time and I'd Fraps every second of its furry fighters until dildo rainbows rose above silent battlefields. All that's left to do is alter the video to black and white, splice out a photo of an avatar wearing tattered Reeboks, and submit it as "Migrant MMOer" for my Pulitzer Prize.